


Rectification

by nanodayoooooo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Awkward Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Badass Eren Yeager, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fighter Eren Yeager, Fighter Mikasa Ackerman, Florist Armin Arlert, M/M, POV Eren Yeager, POV First Person, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Shy Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-14 01:07:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11197257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanodayoooooo/pseuds/nanodayoooooo
Summary: Levi works in a circus and has a contract bound to the ring master. After a surgery gone wrong, he hides behind a mask, fully-convinced that he is too ugly for this world. He continues living his life behind a beautiful façade, until one day, Eren Jaeger, a gorgeous man worms his way into Levi’s life. Eren came into his life knocking everything in his way, with a mission to make Levi believe that he is perfect just the way he is.





	1. Chapter 1

“Armin, just what made you think that dragging me to a circus on a Friday night would be a good idea?” I was busy scanning the crowd, taking note of our audience today when my focus was broken by a husky voice. My eyes drifted to the source of the voice, fully intending to just identify the owner of the voice before continuing my previous job. But after identifying the man, I had to do a double take.

Judging from the deep voice, no doubt that the guy with the voice would be at least decent-looking. But oh no, he was not just decent, he was gorgeous. He had piercing green eyes, his skin so tanned and the shirt he was wearing left little to my imagination.

_No Levi. What makes you think he will even want to look at you? You’re rubbish. You’re ugly. You’re lucky Erwin still keeps you around._

“Guys please. This circus only comes to town once every six months. Don’t be such a sourpuss Eren. You might actually come to like it. And Mikasa please. I know you’re a ballsy kind of girl but try to enjoy yourself. At least for my sake”, once again disrupting my train of thoughts. I shook my head, free of the thoughts and distractions and made my way backstage to prepare for my act

I got rid of my torn and tattered outfit and replaced it with a dress. I sleeked my hair back and hid it underneath a long black wig. Then, I sat down in front of the mirror, doing my routine, same as any other performance night. First comes the foundation then the blusher then the eyeliner and then the lipstick. Many would think that I’m doing this just for the cash, but contrary to popular belief, I happen to enjoy my job. That aside, I don’t think anyone else would be willing enough to recruit someone as ugly as me. I was fortunate enough to have met Erwin and he took a liking towards me, enough to hire me into his band of misfits that I have come to regard as family.

Too lost in thought, while applying my blusher, I was oblivious to the click of the door signalling that someone had entered my dressing room. It was only brought to my attention when a pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders.

“Rivaille, how are you today? All ready for the performance? Ready to please your ring master?” the whisper sent shivers down my spine. Erwin nuzzled into my wig. He stroked down my arm and smiled to me through the reflection on the mirror. I looked up to him and nodded, forcing a smile on my face.

As much as I’m thankful for what he has done for me, Erwin can be unpredictable at times. On good days, he’s wonderful to be around but on bad days, he gets a little handsy. I’ve been on the receiving ends too many times, I would know. I’m always on my toes around him, his actions so unpredictable that I don’t trust him enough to let my guard down. Erwin never came in without my makeup on. In the beginning, I thought it was a one-off thing, but after a few more times, I began to realise that he just did not like to see me without my makeup. I was aware of how hideous I looked like without anything coating my face. So, I couldn’t even feel offended if I wanted to. By now, I was numb to the treatment. I even managed to convince myself that it was the norm for people to treat me that way.

“What a good boy, Rivaille. Alright, put your mask on. Wouldn’t want anyone to see that ugly face of yours now, would you?” I shook my head and Erwin planted a kiss on my cheek before leaving the room.

Putting on my mask, I made my way to the stage. Normally, the layer of makeup over my face would be sufficient enough as a mask, but for safety precautions, Erwin told me to wear the mask as well. I did not argue with him, he probably knew better than me.

**◊**

“Jesus, Armin. I swear if this ends up sucking, you owe me dinner for two weeks. Tch, I could be doing better things at home right now”.

“Eren, if this does not live up to your expectations, I will gladly provide you dinner for two months. Now, could you please shut up, the show is starting”, Armin visibly rolled his eyes in annoyance.

I settled in my seat and waited for the show to start. The applause from around me showed that the show was starting. It started with acrobat performances, tightrope and even the classic lion act even made the cut. I was impressed. This was the first circus I have ever attended in my life, and honestly, I had not benchmark to go by but this was not too bad. Not only that, I was also exaggerating when I said I had better things to do at home. If I were still at home, I’d probably just be stuck playing video games or watching a movie with Mikasa and Armin. Nothing much happened in the everyday life of Eren Jaeger, especially on a Friday night and obviously Armin knew this, he was just nice enough to not point it out. I inwardly chuckled and shook my head. Looking up to the stage, I realised that a new act had come up stage.

It was someone wearing a corset dress and a mask. She came up to stage and sat on the stool already on the stage. After making herself comfortable, she took the microphone and the music started playing on the speakers. Bringing the microphone to her lips, she readied herself to sing. Only when she opened her mouth did I realise that it was a guy and the song he was singing was hauntingly sad, but his voice was so beautiful nonetheless.

_Sexual, hey if you want to feel sexual_

_You can always call up a professional_

_They stick pins in you like a vegetable_

_Kids forever, kids forever_

_Baby soft skin turns into leather_

_Don’t be dramatic, it’s only some plastic_

_No one will love you if you’re unattractive_

_Oh, tell me is it true that pain beauty?_

_Does a new face come with a warranty?_

_Will a pretty face make it better?_

_Oh, tell me_

_How did you afford her surgery?_

_Do you swear you’ll stay forever?_

_Even if her face don’t stay together?_

The whole time he sang this, I kept my eyes trained on him. His grey eyes, they hold so much emotion and yet they reflected nothing at the same time. They were so captivating. It was obvious that this song meant so much more to him. I could feel all the emotions he was pouring into the song.

“Armin, who is that?”

Armin fished out a booklet from his bag and opened it. Flipping through the programme booklet, and after finally finding the page listing the different acts of the circus, Armin finally spoke up. “Rivaille. His name is Rivaille.”

 And in that moment, I realised that it had just became my life goal to get to know this mysterious _Rivaille_.


	2. Chapter 2

_“Rivaille, trust me. You’ll look beautiful after this surgery”, Erwin held my face in between his palms. He held his gaze, pleading me to go through with the plastic surgery. He had brought up this issue too many times, I was no longer able to keep track the number of times he had hounded me with this subject. Honestly, I had no qualms going through with it but I had a talk with my mother a week ago and I asked her about it._

_“My dear, you’re beautiful the way you are”, she said. “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You’ll always be my baby boy and you’ll always be the most handsome boy out there. Please don’t go through with the plastic surgery, there’s a reason why you were born this way.” Her words rung in my head every single time Erwin brought up the topic. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, especially when my mum told me that._

_However, the moment the phrase “You’ll earn more when you’re prettier. Who wouldn’t pay to see a majestic goddess?” came out of Erwin’s mouth, I was sold. As much as I loved my job, I also had every intention to help out my mother at home. She was struggling to make ends meet, especially after my asshole of a father left us and my mother had to work day and night to support my siblings._

_But with life, not everything goes according to plan. Prior to the surgery, I was made aware that some complications might pop up, but what I faced in the end was out of my expectations. To think that I’m permanently scarred because of this, I had no one else to blame but myself. I couldn’t bring myself to go back home and face my mother. I hated myself._

_Who would pay to see a monster like me?_

**◊**

I stood up from the stool and bowed to the audience. That way the first time I performed that song. Normally, I would do the usual songs that I have practiced countless of times, to be on the safe side. But tonight, it just felt different. Tonight, I felt exceptionally empty so there was no other song that could accurately depict the state of my life right now.

I looked up to the audience to shoot them a smile, as a sign of thanks for the applause. But when I looked up, I instantly made eye contact with the green-eyed guy from earlier. His face was painted with so many emotions at once. I took my time identifying them. Pity, sadness, awe and most of all, I saw determination. Determination for what, I’m not sure. When he realised that I was staring right at him, he winked at me. To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. I must have been imagining things, there is no way he, of all people, would be winking at me.

I quickly made my way backstage to let the next act take their place on stage and prepare for the last curtain call. While I was immersed in my own thoughts, Hange’s voice broke the silence. “Levi, that was great, almost better than my performance!” That weirdo had a knack of sneaking up on people. It was creepy.

“Shut up, Hange,” I rolled my eyes. For being so odd and peculiar, nobody would ever think to associate her with me. But then again, I am not normal either. So maybe that was where we were similar.

“Anyway I came here to get you. It’s time for the last curtain call. I think we did quite well today, the crowd was louder than usual. Right, Levi?” Hange was bouncing on the spot. I had no idea where she got all her energy from, seriously. I shrugged indifferently and straightened my dress, touched up my makeup to make sure that I looked presentable enough to step out of my dressing room.

“Alright, this is the last curtain call. Feel free to make our performers after this. You can interact with them if you’d like. I hope you had a great night and looking forward to see you lot again!” Erwin’s voice boomed on the loudspeakers.

**◊**

“That would be 5 dollars, sir”, the girl said. I fished out a 5 dollar bill from my pocket and handed it to her. For a stalk of rose, 5 dollars was a tad overpriced but I couldn’t complain. Not when I did not come to the circus prepared. But in my defence, I was not aware that I would be so taken with anyone from the circus. Geez, for goodness sake, I fight for a living, I did not expect to be captivated from a line of work that was at the other end of the spectrum compared to mine. Not that I was complaining. But the two people who were with me would probably question my intentions.

“Eren, you just spent 5 dollars on a stalk of rose. Are you sure it’s worth it? You don’t even know this guy”, Mikasa said. Speak of the devil and he will appear. Or in this case, a she. Both Armin and Mikasa were giving me confused looks.

“Just let me do this okay. You guys can come join me or wait for me out in front. Up to you”, I briskly walked to the stage without even waiting for them. I was eager to meet this mysterious Rivaille. He would be here, and I could talk to him. That was assuming that he would give me the time of his day. Scanning the acts gathered in front, my eyes were scrutinising the crowd, actively looking out for a petite lady with long black hair wearing a mask. When I finally found her, or him, I hastily made my way towards him.

He was fidgeting on the spot, clearly looking like a deer in the headlights. He looked like he was uncomfortable standing in front of such a large crowd who were unconsciously moving into his personal space. I smiled at his obvious discomfort but I quickly cleared my throat.

Here goes nothing.

“Hey, you killed it out there!" I spared a smile towards him and then promptly, looked towards the floor. Suddenly, the little speck of dirt on my shoes was so interesting. But after receiving nothing but radio silence, I looked up. Rivaille was not faring much better than me. He was looking on the ground as well, awkwardly swaying from side to side. After a while, his small voice said, “Killed it? Is that a good or a bad thing?” It was barely a whisper, I would have missed it if I wasn’t listening intently to him.

“You were amazing, Rivaille” I shot him a grin and two thumbs up. When I was bringing up my hand, I was reminded of the overpriced rose that I bought him not long ago. I handed him the rose, “Here, this is for you. I would have gotten you something more if I was prepared I swear”.

“Levi”, I heard him mutter under his breath.

**◊**

“Sorry?” he quirked his eyebrow in confusion.

“Call me Levi. Rivaille is my stage name”, I hurriedly explained myself even though I found his confused face cute. After which, his face contorted from confusion to understanding. If this wasn’t real life, there would be a lightbulb switched on above his head.

In the short span of time I was having an inner monologue, he had made his way towards me. I was unaware of this until I felt his breath ghosting near my ear. The words that he said next stayed with me for the rest of the night. The words found their way into my head and they have been replaying on and on ever since. The words that lighted a hope within me. A really small flame, but still a flame nonetheless.

My life took a turn when the green-eyed guy whispered, “Well, you were perfect tonight. You sang splendidly. Levi, you were beautiful tonight. So beautiful, I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

I could feel my cheeks heating up and my hands instantly flew up to them to cover up the colour that had formed on them. _Effortlessly sweeping me off my feet with just a few of his words, who is this guy?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, Levi. Conflicted Levi. He's such a bae, and I'm having fun portraying him in a different light. Usually, he's the one who throws Eren off guard. But this time around, I'm going to make Eren the smooth-talker. My babies.  
> Thanks for reading! As always, comment are appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

The circus came to town only once for 3 weeks every six months. We usually earned enough during this period to last us for the next six months. Most of us were juggling other jobs, but it was, to be honest, unnecessary. The crowd which came to watch us paid us a hefty amount and Erwin made sure of that.

Tonight was the second night. It was the second night but it was the first night that I have ever felt this way. Never before have I looked forward to stepping out in front of the crowd, on display for everyone to judge me. But last night was an eye-opening experience to say the least.

**◊**

_I looked up into the green orbs gazing right at me. I thought I was dreaming. Nobody has ever told me I was beautiful, not even Erwin. By now, I was fully convinced that I was a waste of space. But this guy? Just who is he?_

_“Eren”, I heard him saying._

_“Huh?” I squeaked, my eyes darting anywhere but his face. This guy, in the span of less than 2 seconds, he had effortlessly turned me into a blushing mess. I heard him chuckle quietly. “Eren. That’s my name. You asked”, he explained._

_Oh apparently, I said that out loud. I thought it was just in my head. To say I was overwhelmed would be a complete understatement. This guy was making my heart beat so far, I was pretty sure there was a rock concert going on inside my chest. I was dumbfounded, usually I would be able to come up with at least something by now, but it looked like I was rendered speechless for now. I had no idea what to do. I did not know how to respond. What did he want me to say?_

_“Levi, relax. I just want to get to know you”, he must have sensed my discomfort because he took a step back away from me and I was already missing the body heat radiating from him._

_“Why?” I asked. That would be an appropriate question. Why? Nobody has ever made the effort to get to know me, other than the people in the circus. But nobody other than them, especially nobody from the audience. Who would, for a monster like me?_

_“Because you caught my eye. You’re the only performance I actually paid full attention to”, he explained._

_I scoffed. This guy. He only saw me in the mask. He did not know what was underneath it. He obviously was unaware of what was behind the layers I was hiding behind. “You’ll change your mind once you see what I really look like. Nobody wants a monster.”_

_That shut him up. For a split second, I felt a sense of victory for catching him off guard after all the things he said to me previously. It was short-lived though._

_“Never, I won’t change my mind. I’ll come to every single one of your performance. You’ll see my every night, Levi. Until you decide to give me a chance. Until you believe me. You have my word”, he brought his hand near my face and lightly thumbed my cheek before leaving._

**◊**

“Armin, can you give me a bouquet of your red camellias?” I barged into the floral shop that my best friend owned. I was running late, after the fight I was in stretched over the time limit. I was on a time crunch, I needed to make it in time for Levi’s performance.

“Eren, are you sure? Those red camellias cost a fortune. Are you sure about this guy? You just met him”, Armin came from the back to the counter.

“This guy is worth it. Just hurry up, I don’t want to be late for him performance”, I tried to keep the annoyance out of my voice. But I could only so much, when I was on the verge of being late. I was sure Armin could sense my urgency because he handed me the bouquet in less than five minutes. I handed him the money and thanked him before bolting out of the door.

**◊**

I stepped onto stage. And for the first time ever, I took my time to scan the crowd. I kept telling myself that I was only doing that to see if it was a full house tonight, but at the back of my mind, I was aware that I was subconsciously finding the guy from last night. After searching about three quarter of the audience and failing to locate him, the disappointment I felt was immense. Maybe I thought that for once, I was worth something. I thought Eren saw me differently from others. I thought he was an exception, from the norm. But in the end, it did not make sense, especially since I just met this stranger one night ago. What was I expecting? I thought he was different, but after all, who would pay to see a monster like me?

_Round and round like a horse on a carousel we go_

_Will I catch up to love? I could never tell I know_

_Chasing after you is like a fairy tale but I_

_Feel like I’m glued on tight to this carousel_

_Come come one come all_

_You must be this tall_

_To ride at the carnival_

_Oh come on take my hand_

_And run through play land_

_So high, too high at the carnival_

_And it’s all fun and games,_

_Till somebody falls in love_

_But you’ve already bought a ticket_

_And there’s no turning back now_

_This horse is too slow_

_We’re always this close_

_Almost, almost we’re a freak show_

_Right when I’m near_

_It’s like you disappear_

_Where’d you go? My Houdini you’re a freak show_

Just as I was putting down my microphone to bow to the audience, I realised I was staring straight at a pair of green orbs. _He made it. He made it and he was in the front row._ Relief washed over me, drowning my disappointment away. He was looking right at me and he had a small smile plastered on his face. I thought he was all talk and he was a no show tonight, but this guy was surprising me every step of the way.

**◊**

Right on cue, after the last curtain call, he was there waiting for me. Tonight, he looked good, dressed in a white button down with black slacks. It was like he made an effort to be presentable before coming to my show. That thought alone made my heart do somersaults.

“Here. This is for you, Levi. You were perfect”, he handed me a bouquet of flowers with a smile.

I studied the flowers he gave me and he clearly noticed this because he then proceeded to explain to me what those flowers were and the meaning behind them.

“These are red camellias. It means that you’re a flame in my heart, which I might say is pretty accurate since I can’t keep you out of head and my heart.”

He took a step towards me, before bending slightly and turning his head, bringing his lips to my cheek. A peck and a whisper of “I’ll see you tomorrow, Levi” was all he gave me before he turned to leave.

The kiss was so innocent and so short, but it was so heartfelt and for once in my time at the circus, I felt happy at the end of the day after my performance. I was contented.

_Someone paid to see me. I’m not really a monster, am I?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Levi. Eren's slowly breaking down your walls and you're loving every second of it, aren't you?   
> As always, comments are appreciated. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

_“Don’t worry Rivaille, I’ll love you no matter what”, he once said. “You’re the only for me, Rivaille”, he muttered under his breath while looking at me so lovingly. His hands tenderly holding my face, and at that moment, there was no one other I would ask for._

_But alas, it was only short-lived. One could only dream and I was stupid and dumb enough to believe every word he said. I should have known. He would not want to be with someone so ugly._

_Needless to say, the surgery not only messed my face up. It also messed me up. I was not the same. Every night, I would desperately try to conceal all the scars from the failed experiment. I would buy multiple wigs to cover the bald patch left behind by the stitches. Concealers were my best friend and eyeliners came next in line. I would practice for countless hours trying to open my eyes up further than it allowed. Desperately, I tried to patch myself back up on my own but every night, I only broke apart further._

_I would doll myself up for Erwin, waiting for him to give me the time of his day, I would take it, no matter how little. Every night, I would do my best to look my best but every other night, I would see him flirting with someone else. Light brushes, little advances and the look of fondness in his eyes. The same look that was used to be directed to me._

_Deep down, I knew should be angry. Furious, even. For him to be able to treat me this way. It was his fault that I turned out this way. It was his fault that I would not be the same anymore. It was his fault that I was a walking time bomb. It was all on him. But in the end, I loved him too much to blame him. I resigned to fate and accepted mine. I was ugly before, but now, I was hideous. It was a mantra I kept repeating in my head. Round and round, swirling in my brain._

**◊**

“Hey Levi, who was the cutie last night?” to say that Hange was excited would be great understatement. I had always wondered where she got her energy from. But always, with Hange, you never know and I did not intend to find out anytime soon. That girl was weird.

“Who?” I feigned ignorance when in fact, I knew who she was referring to. It was hard not to notice, especially, when normally, nobody would come see me during the last curtain call. I was pretty much the only act who would loiter around, wandering alone because nobody felt the need to approach me. I did not blame though, I fully knew why they would be too afraid to even close to me.

“You know, the one who gave these flowers”, Hange rolled her eyes and gestured towards the bouquet of camellias sitting in the vase at the corner of my vanity table.

“Just some guy”, I answered curtly, hoping that she would drop the subject. Knowing her, it would be impossible.

“What’s his name? Must be quite the charmer, seeing how you’re keeping him to yourself.” Well, it was certainly worth a try, attempting to get her to drop the subject. But just as I was about to answer her, “Who are you keeping to yourself?” Erwin’s voice echoed through my dressing room.

I shot a glare towards Hange, silently cursing her. She shot me an apologetic glance back and quietly made her way out of the room. _Well shit, now I have to deal with him all alone. Tough life._

Erwin approached me from behind and took my hair in between his thumb and pointer finger and played with it. He was stalling, I knew he was buying time, waiting for me to open up to him first. I had no intention to do and so, when his patience finally wavered and disappeared, he opened his mouth.

“Rivaille, you know that you’re mine right?” Erwin let go off the hair and instead brought his hand towards my neck. My heart was beating out of my chest, I did not know what to expect of him. With Erwin, you never knew what was going on his head. This could go either way. The touch could be a loving one, where he would find brush over my pulse point and tell me mushy things. On the other spectrum, he could easily strangle me. I did not have to wait for long to see his intentions, and unfortunately for me, it was the latter.

He wrapped his hand around my throat, bringing his face so close to mine, I could feel his breath against my cheek. My airway was severely blocked and I was on the brink of suffocation. I could not even bring myself to worry about anything else, when all the blood had rushed to my head and I was my so very best to survive. “Rivaille, you remember that you’re mine right?” Erwin said again, bringing me out of my reverie.

I nodded furiously, desperate for him to loosen his hold on my neck. When he finally did, I rushed to get my breathing back to normal.

“Good. Nobody would want a monster like you anyway”, Erwin said before promptly taking his leave.

**◊**

I was seated on my usual spot, front row in the audience. Just to watch the guy that has caught my attention, one in a really long time. That night, I had brought with me a bouquet of red carnations and I hoped that he would get the message I was trying to send through that thick of skull of his.

For some reason, Levi seemed to think that he was not worthy of anyone. That he was too broken for anyone to love. I did not get why though, he was perfect to me albeit the fact that I literally met this guy less than a week ago. But hey, I had a great track record of telling apart the good people from the bad ones and Levi was definitely not a horrible person that he had painted himself in.

Just as I was beginning to drown in my own thoughts speculations about Levi, the man in question stepped onto the stage. For the past two night, I have only seen him in corset dresses and long black wigs. Tonight, he wore something so different. Aside from the familiar mask covering his face, he wore a black and white suit with his hair sleeked back. It was different yet so magnificent that I could not take my eyes off of him.

I saw his eyes raking through the audience, as though he was finding something. When his eyes landed on me, I saw a small smile on his face. Oh, he was trying to find someone. _He was trying to find me._ I shot him a grin back and a small nod, a sign of encouragement. He sat down, took the microphone and instantly, the music starting playing.

Your skin is warm like an oven

Your kiss is sugary sweet

Your fingers feel like cotton

When you put your arms around me

I feel like I’m just missing

Something whenever you leave

We’ve got all the ingredients

Except you loving me and respectfully

I’m not a piece of cake

For you to just discard

While you walk away

With the frosting of my heart

So I’m taking back

What’s mine, you’ll miss

The slice of heaven that

I gave to you last night

You smell just like vanilla

You taste like buttercream

You’re filling up my senses

With empty calories

I feel like I’m just missing

Something whenever you leave

You’ve got all the ingredients

Except you needing me so respectfully

I’m not a piece of cake

For you to just discard

While you walk away 

**◊**

The song I chose today was so apt, after the run-in with Erwin and him nearly suffocating me to death. He treated me like one of his tools, something he owned. Countless of times, he told me he loved me, but did he really?

Before long, we gathered for the last curtain call. It was only the third night ever since the first night I met Eren, but curtain call was quickly becoming the highlight of my nights. I made my way to the stage and saw that guy waiting for me. He was pacing on the spot, eyes roaming around, undoubtedly trying to find me. Tonight, he was wearing something more casual, but he still looked good. A white shirt, with ripped jeans and a bomber, he managed to pull off the I-don’t-give-a-fuck-but-I-need-to-look-good look quite effortlessly.

He must have noticed me approaching him because he started making his way towards me and I found a bouquet of red carnations thrusted towards me. They were beautiful, their redness commanding all the attention from me. “So tell me, Eren. What do these mean?” I asked him.

“My heart aches for you”, he answered me, without missing a beat. I looked up to him and saw that he was already gazing at me, with the same fondness as the first night I met him. He slowly brought his hands towards me cheeks, his thumb stroking me lovingly. I leaned in towards his touch, eyes unconsciously falling shut. Trailing his hand downwards towards my neck, his touch leaving marks in their wake. When he reached my neck, his ministrations stalled. I opened my eyes, searching for the reason as to why he stopped. I was met with worry painted on Eren’s face.

“Jesus Christ Levi, who did this to you?” the worry and tinge of anger in his voice evident. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was questioningly looking at me, silently pleading for me to tell him. I, however, did not want to ruin the special moment we were sharing so I slowly brought my hand towards his face and pressed in between his brows, asking him to relax them. Using my other free hand, I guided his hand to continue stroking my face.

He must have sensed my message as he clamped his mouth and dropped the topic. He continued stroking my cheeks, fingers combing through my hair. I could feel his hands running through my undercut, passing by the scars from the stitches. I tensed for a split second, but Eren did not seem to mind as he just continued stroking me lovingly.

I felt his breath ghosting on my lips, and I was so afraid to open my eyes, in case this was all just a dream. His lips brushed lightly against mine and I felt all the love he was trying to convey. “Levi, open your eyes,” he whispered and I slowly opened my eyes. Instantly, I was met with a pair of green orbs staring back at me.

He smiled at me adoringly and I felt his thumb brushing across my lips. His eyes quickly darting around my face and with a short, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Levi”, he left with a promise that I would hold onto. A promise for a better tomorrow. Something that I would look forward to. _This guy,_ it was like he was taking his time putting the pieces of me back together. _This guy, it appeared like he would actually care for a monster like me._


	5. Chapter 5

Tonight. I would show Eren how I looked like behind the mask tonight. After the last curtain call, I would reveal to him all my scars. My entire face was marred with stitches and scars that remained. Scars that made me a walking disaster.

It felt like it was only yesterday when the facial consultant was busy drawing lines on my face, using the ruler, trying to ascertain the perfect angle that my nose should be shaped into. Only yesterday since the dotted lines were drawn on my face, instructing the surgeons on where to dig their scalpels in, without a care in the world. Only yesterday when my life decided to turn for the worst, after one stupid mistake.

In the end, my eyes became thinner than what it used to be, and definitely the opposite of the desired result. My nose, it used to be something I was proud of, seeing as how I came from a French heritage. My nose no longer looked like mine. It looked like a misplaced puzzle piece, one that was desperately tried to slot into place. Void of their usual plumpness, my cheeks were sunken in, my cheekbones evident and sticking out. To think that would be the only things Erwin tried to change, he even tried to alter my ears and as a result, I had scars littering the back of my head. After the surgery, the bald spots were so jarring that I opted to shave the underside to the same length, leaving the part above to grow out as a cover.

I stared at myself, questioning myself. Questioning my existence. Questioning just about everything. But then, I realised that it was too late for any regrets. The damage has been done. Tonight, when I told, or rather, showed, Eren everything, I could only hope that he would not bolt. That he would stay by my side.

_Would that be too much to ask for? Will it be okay?_

Well, I would out for myself in less than 2 hours.

The two hours passed by quicker than I realised. In between questioning myself, getting ready for my performance and entertaining Hange’s incessant “who’s the hottie” questions, it was soon performance time.

**◊**

I was stumped. Needless to say, I was worried after seeing the marks on Levi’s neck yesterday. I spent the night tossing and turning in my bed, my head flooded with _Levi, Levi, Levi._ I could barely catch any sleep and it showed in the morning. It was obvious when I walked into my best friend’s shop and the first words out of his mouth was, “Wow Eren, you look like shit.” I caught my reflection on the glass doors of the shop and I saw the dark rings under my bloodshot eyes, hair sticking out everywhere.

I was running on fumes, but there was no way in hell that I was going to miss Levi’s performance. I was grateful I did not have any fights scheduled that day, I did not know how I was going to lift my arm, let alone defeat an opponent. Putting all those aside, I browsed through the floral selection in the shop. After a grand total of fifteen minutes of clueless wandering, I finally decided to seek out help from Armin.

“Which flower says ‘You’re all I think about’ and ‘Please take care of yourself for fucks sake’?” I asked Armin.

He lifted his gaze from the bouquet he was tending to stare at me. He quirked his brow in obvious confusion. When he caught up with what I just said he finally replied, “Well, there are a lot of flowers which would scream “You’re all I think about”, but I would recommend the daffodils. And azaleas for the second message.”

“Ah shit don’t you have one which has both messages?” Flowers and their meanings. If I had a choice, I would just get some random flower off the rack. However, given my limited knowledge of flowers, I would evidently mistakenly choose some flower with a depressing meaning and hand it to Levi.

“Why don’t you get both?” Armin asked.

“Is that even possible? Isn’t that weird?” I wondered out loud. Now that I thought about, it would definitely look peculiar being handed a bouquet of mixed daffodils and azaleas.

“Who do you think you’re looking at? I can even make a cactus look beautiful”, Armin scoffed. I chuckled and nodded my head agreement to his suggestion. With the flowers, I hoped that Levi would heed my messages, not only one, but both of them.

**◊**

I have decided to open up to Eren tonight. I was not going to lie to myself, I was fucking scared. Downright terrified. There were two possible outcomes to this. First, Eren would listen to what I had to say and he would understand me. That was if I was lucky enough. Knowing myself, I had piss poor luck so I was not betting on that. Unfortunately, the second possible outcome was terrible. He would flat out reject me and run away from me out of pure disgust or some feeling similar to that.

Negative thoughts were flowing around my head. Pondering on what I would do if Eren pushed me away. If he no longer looked at me with the face of adoration for the past few nights. I would not know what to do if he rejected me. But who was I lying to? It was bound to happen anyway. I kept telling myself to not get my hopes up, I could not take yet another rejection. After Erwin, another rejection would be devastating. Apart from that, Eren was so much better than Erwin. At least that was how he appeared when he came to see me every night. I glanced at the carnations and the camellias decorating my dressing table. _Relax Levi, it’ll be alright._ I smiled to myself. I had to believe in Eren. Had to put my faith in him to not break my heart, even before I handed it to him.

“Why are you smiling to yourself, Rivaille?” I immediately sat up straight, going rigid from hearing the familiar voice coming from behind me. I had to consciously force myself to relax under the accusatory tone of the voice. I had to act as per normal, lest he figured out what I was thinking about.

“I haven’t seen you smile like that in a long while, Rivaille. A penny for your thoughts?” Erwin’s sickeningly sweet voice was right beside my left ear. Supressing the shiver running through my spine, I just shrugged in nonchalance, feigning disinterest. Squeezing my eyes close, I prayed hard that the answer was satisfactory and that he would leave me alone in my dressing room before the performance. I did not want a repeat of yesterday’s events, I did not want Eren looking as worried as he was yesterday when he saw the marks on my neck.

But alas, I could only hope.

After I kept my silence and not voicing out my thoughts, it was almost expected that Erwin would not be happy with me. To him, I was the perfect pet. Someone who would always listen to him, never disobey him, wait at his feet for his commands and fulfil them. To have me openly ignoring his question, he was disappointed with my disobedience. I expected him to forcefully turn me around using my shoulders or kicking my chair to get my attention. However, what I was not expecting was his fist landing on the right side of my face, knocking me clean straight into my nose. The impact so hard that the blood oozing out of my nose was almost immediate.

Frozen from shock, the pain did not register into my head until a minute later. Erwin stormed out of the room in anger and only after that did I grab a handful of tissues to stop the bleeding. It was only ten minutes till my performance. _God damn it Erwin, you could have chosen a better time to disfigure my face further. Well, it’s not like it would make a difference anyway since I am already ugly._

**◊**

Clutching the bouquet of daffodils and azaleas to my chest, I settled down in the normal seat in the front row. My heart was beating out of my chest. It was not that different from the other nights, me being excited at the prospect of seeing Levi again. But, there was another issue bugging me at the back of my head after I saw the marks on Levi’s neck yesterday after the curtain call, I could not help but worry if he would be spotting more of those marks. Stilling my heart and reigning my nerves, I could only hope that that would not be the case.

Looking up to see what Levi would be wearing tonight, I was surprised and slightly amused to see a short clown walking out onto the stage. Levi was in full clown costume, accompanied with a clown mask and red curly hair. Behind the mask, I was expecting to see the familiar onyx hair sticking out but all I saw was bandages that was wrapped around his head. Furrowing my eyebrows, I realised that there was nothing that could be done about that right now and I could only ask Levi about it later on. As always, when he made eye contact with me, I could see his shoulders visibly sag in relief. I shot him my best smile, as a sign of encouragement and waited for him to start.

Think I just remembered something

I think I left the faucet running

Now my words are filling up the tub

Darling, you're just soaking in it

But I know you'll get out the minute

You notice all your fingers pruning up

I'm tired of being careful, tiptoe, trying to keep the water warm

Let me under your skin

Uh-oh, there it goes, I said too much, it overflowed

Why do I always spill?

I feel it coming out my throat

Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap

God, I wish I never spoke

Now I gotta wash my mouth out with soap

Think I got myself in trouble

So I fill the bath with bubbles

Then I'll put the towels all away

Should've never said the word "love"

Threw a toaster in the bathtub

I'm sick of all the games I have to play

I'm tired of being careful, tiptoe, trying to keep the water warm

Let me under your skin

Uh-oh, there it goes, I said too much, it overflowed

Why do I always spill?

 

Tonight, it seemed that Levi’s choice of song was more mellow that usual. It was as if he was trying to convey a message from his song choice. What was Levi hiding? I could only hope that he would trust me enough to start opening up. And I hoped that it would happen sooner than later. For his sake. Nonetheless, I stood up and applauded his performance as loud as I can, as did the other audience around me.

The rest of the other acts breezed through, faster than usual, especially since I was not paying any attention to them at all. I was too preoccupied with questions. Questions about Levi’s song choice. Questions about his outfit choice. Questions about the bandages around his head. Before I knew it, it was already the last curtain call.

I gathered myself, not forgetting the flowers, and made my way to the stage. Eyes scanning the crowd for the red curly hair from Levi’s outfit tonight, I tried my best to locate Levi. I found him standing in the corner of the stage, looking around as well but not moving from his location. Previously, he would be walking around while looking for me, but currently, he stood timidly, eyes darting around and fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. It looked like he was more wary of someone, rather than looking for someone. Was he wary of me?

I cautiously approached him and before I was beside him, I called out his name to alert him lest I scared him unnecessarily. When he heard his voice, I could see the tenseness seep out from his bones, his entire stance relaxing at the sound of my voice. _Ah wary of someone else then._ I heaved a sigh of relief, unaware that I was holding my breath in the first place.

I held out the flowers to him, “These are for you. As always, you were perfect up there”. With the mask covering his face, I could only see the grey orbs staring back at me. It was impossible for me to gauge his reactions with most of his face covered. I frowned to myself.

He reached out, seemingly as though he was going to take the flowers that I was holding out, but I was surprised when his fingers danced along my arm. I stood as still as possible, not wanting to risk scaring him off if I made too much major movements. My eyes followed the trail left behind by his fingers. Levi trailed his hand up my arm towards my face. He brushed my cheek and thumbed my lips, with a question that came out as a quiet whisper that was almost inaudible, “Why the frown, Eren?” This was the first time that Levi has ever initiated contact and I was too shocked that I almost did not hear his question. Clearing my throat and after making sure that my voice was stable enough, I said, “Your face. I can’t see it with the mask, beautiful.” I looked into his eyes, for any signs of what he was feeling but I only saw them widening, as though he was surprised but it only lasted for a few seconds.

Slowly retracting his hand away from my face, he took the bouquet from my hands. I was already missing the warmth of his hand but I remained still and watching his reaction to the flowers. He stroked the petals and looked up to me asking, “There are two kinds in here. What do they mean?”

With one hand holding his waist, I brought my other free hand to his collarbone, the part visible below the bandages and stroked it with my thumb. He leaned towards me further and I brought my lips to the places previously touched by my thumb and lightly trailed kisses, softly whispering, “You’re all I think about”. His breath hitched but apart from that, Levi was surprisingly calm under my ministrations. Bringing my lips close to the marks that I saw yesterday, I kissed lightly and said, “Please take care of yourself for me, Levi.”

After what felt like the same amount of time I always spent with him after the curtain call, I leaned down to be at eye level with him and gave a small smile before waving. Turning around to walk away, I was stopped with a hand tugging at the hem of my shirt. I looked down and saw that it was Levi.

“Come home with me?” he was looking down but his voice was full of hope. I hummed in agreement. I would do anything for him.

_For Levi, I would do everything._

**Author's Note:**

> This pairing gives me life. I just couldn't resist starting a fic about them. Before anything, I would like to remind you that this fic is purely fictional. It should be, in any way, compared to reality. Other than that, the way that I portray some of the characters in this story does not accurately reflect the way I feel about them in the actual show. So please, don't take it out of context. 
> 
> That being said, I am excited to write this. It will be a lot of fun! I will try to keep with this fic. I don't really do long fics, but I'll do my best with this one. Thanks for reading, and comments are appreciated!


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